Stella. So so hard…

Life was already so so hard
And then this terrible breaking
Of the heart, of the thread that holds
My mind together

Life was already so unbearable
The endless struggle to heal
To redraw neural grooves formed
By trauma so deep and long suffered
And then you gone!
A new fear to overcome
Another anxiety to say no to, to redirect.

Life was already so lonely
Shared crises met with judgement
Little understanding, less support
And then you, you who would not bat an eyelid
Nor throw a stone
You who commented with a wink and a uh hmm.
Silent for ever?
Oh God! No!

How do I do this? How do I
Prepare myself for this long desert
With no oasis in sight
I must daily decide to hold
Onto the thread
That holds my sanity
That ties me to promises
Claimed in faith

Life is
So so hard
But beautiful too.
The missing of you is
So so hard
But you and I have Jesus.
And His comfort is beautiful.

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